My Sis Awesome

My little sister is awesome.  She is an amazing artist, extremely smart, and a badass feminist.  She produces an art magazine, too, if you wanna take a look here.

She saw some graffiti on the side of a building near where she lives that was, um, sexist bullshit.  The bar owner refused to wash it off or paint over it, so she went a little renegade and fixed it herself.

This was she painted over it.

And here she is with her work.  Looks just like her, right?

Note: I don't usually condone graffiti, but when I have to choose between sexist graffiti and my sister's artwork, it isn't a hard choice.

She sent me a copy for my birthday...any suggestions on how to display it?

Government-Free VJJ

You know that female anatomy features prominently on this blog, so you won't be surprised when I tell you that I support the Government-Free VJJ Project:

Knitted Womb by MK Carroll. Pattern on Knitty.com

Some awesome folks got sick of politicians trying to butt into their reproductive rights and so are knitting bits of the reproductive system to send to these men-in-power.  You can find patterns here.  I kind of enjoy the "Snatchel" by the Anti-Craft.

International Women's Day

Today is International Women's Day, the day we celebrate women's achievements throughout history and around the world.  This year, Gender Across Borders and CARE are asking bloggers to describe a particular organization, person, group or moment in history that helped to inspire a positive future and impact the minds and aspirations for girls.

Last week I bought a box of Girl Scout cookies from a troop outside the grocery store near my house.  I stopped to talk to them and mentioned that I was a Girl Scout, too.  One of the moms asked, "How long have you been a Girl Scout?"  Before I could stop myself, I opened my mouth and spat out a gleeful, "20 years!"

The girls looked at me like I had suddenly become Methuselah.  Like, is anything on earth that old?  Like, how could you possibly be interested in something so long?

I skittered off before they could ask if I had ever met George Washington, or Moses, or Eve but not without first having flashbacks to most of my childhood with Girl Scouts.

The Girl Scouts have gotten accused of some ridiculous things lately (like supposedly being the "tactical arm" of Planned Parenthood).  My favorite slander ever, though, is the accusation that they are promoting the feminist agenda.  You know what, detractors?  You are right. 

Girl Scouts taught me the following things:

• mountain climbing
• which fork to use at a fancy dinner
• evidence-based, age-appropriate sex education
• basic car maintenance
• to make a camp fire and pitch a tent
• to cook
• to make new friends and keep the old
• about different countries and cultures
• entrepreneurialism
• creativity
• to make a lanyard key chain
• to shoot a rifle and a bow
• to speak confidently
• to support other women

If teaching a girl to do all that isn't feminism, I don't know what is.

I can't stop thinking of things that the Girl Scouts taught me.   I can't stop being thankful for an organization that cares enough about girls to take them seriously, teach them things, and help them achieve.  I can't stop being thankful that the Girl Scouts are a feminist organization because they have made me who I am today.

Happy International Women's Day!

Eureka!

I wanted to tell you about this really cool project my friends over at American University are doing for Women's History Month called "The Eureka Moment."

It's a place where people can submit pictures and text about when they knew they were a feminist.  This was my submission:

Please consider adding your voice to this project.  It makes me super happy to see the diversity of the stories.

Happy Anniversary

Taking a break from knitting for a moment.  Today I am blogging in support of NARAL's Blog For Choice Day, answering the question:

What will you do to help elect pro-choice candidates in 2012?

Today is the 39th Anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in Roe v. Wade that affirmed women's right to have an abortion.  As a doula, it means more to me than just that.  It's the anniversary of the affirmation that women can be trusted to make decisions about their own reproductive health, including when, how, and if they have kids.

In 2008, I worked for EMILY's List helping to elect pro-choice, Democratic women in Iowa.  I was on the ground talking to voters and other candidates and supporting EMILY's List candidates and President Obama.  I learned that electing pro-choice candidates is one of the best ways to ensure our right to make the reproductive health decisions that are right for us.  Elected officials are the people who introduce and enact legislation that make it so rape victims don't have to pay for their own rape kits (that law JUST passed in GA this year....jeesh), who ensure insurance coverage for women for contraception and maternity care, who grant federal funds to clinics that provide family planning services to low income women, and who stop the violence against health care providers who provide services that women and their families want and need.

This year it is just as important to me to elect pro-choice candidates.  More and more states are considering "personhood amendments" which would give rights to a fetus at conception.  That would put certain birth control options that stop implantation but not fertilization (like the IUD or emergency contraception), as well as in vitro fertilization, at risk and make it difficult for women who are trying to prevent pregnancy as well as those who really want kids to access health care.  "Conscience clauses" allow providers to refuse routine medical services to women because they have moral objections to the choices made by women, their families and their physicians.  My clients are facing C-sections and inductions they don't want because of policies that are outdated and not based on science.

This stuff makes me mad and sad and sick and makes me want to do something about it.

So, I am working at the Feminist Women's Health Center and participating in their Voice Beyond Choice Advocacy Days at the GA State Capital.  I will get to learn about what my Reps think about pro-choice legislation and to let them know that I will not vote for someone who doesn't care about the rights of the 1 in 3 US women who will seek an abortion in their lifetimes.

I will be making donations to the candidates that do support reproductive rights and speaking out against those that do not.

And I will be talking to my friends and family about what being pro-choice and electing pro-choice candidates means to me.

If you want more information, I encourage you to check out these organizations and to get involved in the 2012 election cycle:

EMILY's List
NARAL Pro-Choice America
Planned Parenthood Action Center

FU and Other More Effective Responses to Street Harassment

I have ranted previously on this blog about street harassment.  Last week I got to rant in front of a bunch of people about the same.  At the DC FemEx event (I've talked about FemEx more here) called Engage. Explore. Empower. I gave the following speech (pardon for some of the adult language, but I gotta say, what I gotta say):


-----------------------

It's rush hour. Thursday after work on a crowded bus. I find myself, once again, slowly reaching behind me to wrap my fingers around the wrist of the hand that has gently, yet firmly, cupped itself around the curve of my ass.

I grab this wrist, gently, yet firmly, lift it high over my head and announce in my clearest, more authoritative voice: what is this hand doing on my ass?! This man has put his hand on my ass. You, sir, tell the driver to stop the bus. This harasser has put his hand on my ass.

The bus load of people is stunned into silence, all staring at me, except for the man I had just addressed who turns to the bus driver to say “um, I think that man put his hand on that lady's ass.”

The entire bus breaks into applause. They ridicule the harasser. The bus driver calls the police who come and take the harasser away. They thank me for taking a stand against such a dastardly criminal. Someone has caught this whole scene on their smart phone and it is an instant hit on youtube. It starts a worldwide movement of people no longer letting harassers get away with it. I win an award for helping to eradicate street harassment in all its forms. Forever.

I have to admit that this scenario is all in my head. Approaching unwanted grabbing in this way is what the lady at my “Street Smarts” class has taught me to do. I practice this move in the mirror at home. I assure my friends that of course I would do this if anyone were to touch me inappropriately. I show the world my calm, confident, not-taking-shit self, because I am a calm, confident, not-taking-shit kinda lady.

But when faced with street harassment, sometimes my imagination is better at this than I am. What usually happens is:

Rush hour. Monday morning. Walking to the metro feeling good. I am wearing my suit and my heals and my favorite earrings. I am super prepared for my morning meetings. I even remembered to pack a lunch. And then out of nowhere, someone says

Smile for me baby. Why you look so sad?
I mean it, baby. Smile for me.
Bitch. Why you gotta be such a bitch?
Fuck you.

I don't know why, but this surprises me every single time, and I end up responding in one of the same three ways:

My go-to response tends to be: “Fuck you, mother fucker!” which inevitably leads to confirming the harassers' belief that I am, in fact, a bitch and makes everyone around me think I am a crazy person with a lack of self control.

Sometime I try to restrain myself. I turn to a friend or random stranger, and say “can you believe that guy?!?” I tell everyone at work what happened to me. I feel slightly better when people are outraged, but slightly worse when they tell me that it happens to them all the time. I feel much worse when they tell me that they see it happen to other people, too. On the metro, at work, at the gym, while walking their kids to daycare, while hauling groceries to the car, while on a date with their partner to the movies, in front of their parents on the way to freshman orientation.

Most often, though, I walk by without saying a thing. And then, I feel like I have failed all woman kind for not having a witty response at the ready.

Because what I wanted to say was: Pardon me sir, but could you repeat yourself more clearly? I couldn't understand you with all that ignorance in your mouth? I am so sorry that you feel so emasculated by life's circumstances that you need to get your rocks off on trying to bring me down. But here's news for you sir. Your words mostly just make me sad for you and your inability to talk to women in a respectful and meaningful way. Life must be difficult for you.

I would wish him a good day and walk away with my dignity in tact and him having learned his lesson, never to offend again.

The problem is that I thought of this five minutes, an hour, two days too late, standing fuming, gesticulating to myself in the shower. I am pissed I can't think on my toes. Pissed that I feel so unsafe and frustrated and frazzled because of one small person's comments.

I've been told that dealing with street harassment is part of living in this world and in the city. That if I have a problem with what I see that maybe I should take a self-defense class and learn how to respond to a harasser when they bother me.

Yet I have this sneaking suspicion that in this world of 76 cents on the dollar, choices getting smaller, domestic violence, sexual assault victims silenced, and superman that ho, that, hmm, I dunno, but maybe I am not the one that needs the empowerment.

The messages about women we hear every day don't exactly encourage respect. And the fact is that I took the empowerment class. I've taken them all. I know the proper way to respond to harassment. I've been empowered.

But I wish street harassers would take those classes, too. Empower them to find another way to assert their masculinity. Empower them to stop harassing women and show some respect.

I wish bystanders, people that see something happen but don't know what to do, would also take those empowerment classes. Empower us all to find a way to support women in this situation. Empower us all to speak up and tell harassers to stop harassing women and show some respect.

And because things are so much easier to deal with when you know there are numbers of people surrounding you that believe in what you believe in, I would love for you all to feel empowered today and every day to speak up for yourself, for other women, and for passing strangers by saying:

Stop harassing women show some respect.

I said stop harassing women, show some respect.

So now say it with me so we all have a response at the ready for when we are in this situation or see it happening to others: 

Stop Harassment; show some respect

The Vagina Monologues in DC

This weekend was the first read through for The 2011 Vagina Monologues in DC!!! A group of 20+ FABULOUS women got together to go over the script of Eve Ensler's award-winning play.

We will perform “The Vagina Monologues” on February 25 and 26 and sponsor a number of awareness and fundraising events leading up to those dates. Tickets can be bought online in the coming weeks; stay tuned!


We will also be hosting a VAGINA CRAFT-MAKING PARTY!!! in early February!!!!  I could not be more excited about this and hope a whole bunch of you will be joining us for it.

Our DC community performance of “The Vagina Monologues” is part of V-Day, a global movement to stop violence against women and girls.  The show is important to me, not only because it raises awareness about the importance of ending violence against women, but because all proceeds will be divided between two worthy causes: our local beneficiary, the DC Rape Crisis Center, and this year's V-Day spotlight campaign, the women of Haiti.


The DC Rape Crisis Center (DCRCC) is dedicated to creating a world free of sexual violence through community outreach, education, and legal and public policy initiatives. DCRCC helps survivors and their families heal from the aftermath of sexual violence through crisis intervention, counseling and advocacy. Ninety percent of the money raised from our show will go specifically towards helping DCRCC raise awareness about its hotline and counseling services to better reach survivors in the DC community. For more information about the DC Rape Crisis Center, their programs and services, and opportunities to support the center, please visit their website.


Our efforts also benefit this year’s national V-Day spotlight campaign, a global movement to call attention to the high levels of violence against women and girls in Haiti, and will focus on the increased rates of sexual violence since the devastating earthquake that took place in January 2010. All funds raised through the Spotlight Campaign will be used to support a revolutionary national campaign in Haiti lead by a coalition of women activists – including longtime V-Day activist Elvire Eugene – that will address sexual violence through art, advocacy, safe shelter and legal services.. Ten percent of V-Day DC’s proceeds will go to this campaign.

I hate to make this a fundraising push, but.....we are looking for businesses/organizations to buy ads in the program, people to make donations, and people to come to the show.  Let me know if you would like to make a donation!!  All contributors who donate more than $50 by Friday, February 11th will have their names printed in the show program.

More info as it comes!!

New FemEx DC Class: Orientation this Week!

For the last 16+ weeks, I have been meeting with a group of women for a discussion group/class called FemEx DC.  They are hosting a spring class starting soon.  There will be two informational meetings this week.  Please consider checking it out if you are a self-identified woman in the DC area.  Here's the info:

Lovely DC friends,

You are invited to join DC's fifth round of FemEx (the Female Experience)! 

FemEx is an adaptation of a women's empowerment class that is taught at UC Berkeley, Harvard, and Brown.  This 16-week course is designed for women by women to create a safe environment where women can discuss and learn from the diverse viewpoints of their peers.  Please see below for the complete course syllabus. 

Two open house/info sessions will be held from 6:00pm to 8:00pm on Monday, January 24 and Wednesday, January 26 at the Watha T. Daniel-Shaw Library: 1630 7th St. NW.  This is next door to the Shaw/Howard Metro Station on the Yellow and Green Line when you take the exit towards Shaw. 
During these info sessions, interested potential participants are encouraged to come whenever they can, stay however long they want, and have the chance to speak with the organizers and ask any questions.  We will also go over the course syllabus.

Round 5 will start the week of February 21 and will end the week of June 13.  Each class will meet once a week (likely in the evening on a Sun-Thurs) for about 3 hours.  Please come with an idea of your availability on these days during this time.  The number of classes, class times, and class locations are pending participants' availability.  Any suggestions on a regular meeting location are also welcome. 

Please RSVP to dcfemex@gmail.com so we know how many people to expect.  You must attend an info session in order to participate in the class. Those who cannot attend the info sessions, but are still interested in taking the class, can set up an outside time to meet with one of our facilitators. Feel free to email this invitation to friends, co-workers, or other amazing people you know.  The info session is open to all.

Femsexy love,
the Femex Facilitators

Female Experience Syllabus 

Section A: Introduction

We will review the course procedures and requirements, create a safe space, draw up a class contract, as well as create a forum for discussion regarding what students hope to obtain by taking this course.

Section B: Anatomy, Sex, and Gender

Topics covered: sexual anatomy, intersex, transgender, transexuality, and discussions on gender v. anatomical sex.

Section C: Communication

We will discuss the importance of honesty and communication in relationships and group dynamics. Topics will include communication inhibitors, methods of effective communication, and asserting/respecting boundaries.

Section D: Power & Privilege

We will look at the power and privilege inherent in identity, as well as the role "-Isms" play in shaping societal viewpoints.

Section E: Women's Health and Menstruation

We will discuss the structures of western medicine and non-western approaches to women's health, as well as the following: breast self-exam, pelvic exam, yeast infections, urinary tract infections (UTI), toxic shock syndrome (TSS), menopause, mental health, the possible carcinogenic and negative affects of commonly used female products (tampons, douches, etc.), and the concept of women's genitals as "dirty." Discussion of cultural stigmatization of women's menstrual cycles. Women's health resources shared.

Section F: Contraception and Sexually Transmitted Infections

Topics covered include the pill, barrier methods, and safer sax methods, as well as STI's.

Section G: Body Image & Portrayals of Women

We will look at how women view themselves and each other; what shapes our self-image and how this affects our lives. We will discuss cultural variables for body image, as well as eating disorders and body dysmorphia. We will also begin to explore how women's sexuality is portrayed in different forms of popular media (magazines, television, films, music etc.) and how such portrayals influence the ways women and the public at large view women's sexuality, including influences such as age, race, class, etc.

Section H: Reproductive Choices and Motherhood

We will take an in-depth look at the variety of women's reproductive choices. We will discuss cultural, ethnic, societal, religious, and political factors that affect women's choices. Topics covered will include pregnancy, abortion, miscarriage, birth, and motherhood. We will also discuss effects pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood have on sexuality.

Section I: Sexual Practices and Orientation

We will look at how society views sexuality, and factors that shape our sexuality including heterosexism, religion, culture, and ethnicity. Topics discussed: a variety of sexual practices, the spectrum of sexual orientation, and the expression of one's own sexual desires.

Section J: Masturbation, Pleasure, and Orgasm

We will look at different models of the sexual response cycle as well as discuss the physiological and psychological factors of orgasms, including childhood sexuality, cultural variables, and medical factors involved in the inhibition to orgasm. We will also discuss self-love, erogenous zones, female ejaculation, and negative and positive views of masturbation.

Section K: Pornography, Erotica, and Sex Work

We will discuss pornography and erotica in a variety of mediums, as well as various forms of sex work, and their effects on the women's sexuality and different views of sex work. We will also discuss the taboos that surround pornography and sex work.

Section L: Relationships

We will discuss the importance of honesty and communication in sexual relationships. Topics will include monogamy/polyamory, useful communication techniques.

Section M: Violence Against Women

We will take an in-depth look at violence against women. We will read, analyze, discuss and share resources.

Section N: Women's Empowerment & Final Projects

Topics discussed include boundary building, woman-to-woman support, community building amongst women, and women's individual empowerment. The last week will also be devoted to presenting final projects/papers and closure.

A Note on Street Harassment

I was walking through Bethesda Saturday night (an action I suggest you not take unless you are in junior high or really REALLY need some Gifford's ice cream) with my (male) friend.  At one point a man rudely commented on my outfit.  I turned to my (male) friend and asked if he had noticed what just happened.  He said that he had noticed that the man made a comment but did not realize that it was harassing in nature.

I immediatamente got disproportionately upset.

I say disproportionately, because rude comments are directed my way frequently in DC, where being a woman and in public is apparently a valid excuse for people to say rude things to you.  I've gone through phases where I ignore it, where I give the harasser an incredulous look, where I confront harassers in a calm but firm way, demanding respect a-la-Marty Langlan (if you have never taken a self defense class from Marty, you have never lived), and phases where I fling some less-than-well-rehearsed cuss words in their direction.  I believe that any response that helps you get through your day is the right response.  I am currently in a phase where I turn to my neighbor and loudly say "Can you believe that people are rude enough to act that way?"  It works for me because I get acknowledgement that I am not crazy for thinking that behavior is wrong, and it raises a little attention among those around me if I say it loudly enough.

But when I turned to say this to my very feminist male companion Saturday night, I was met with his confusion that any harassment had occurred.  He just hadn't noticed it!  And his confusion led to my mounting frustration as I realized that men often do not see the harassment that goes on around them.

Let me reiterate that my friend is pretty darn feminist.  He once read a book about menarche parties and declared that he wanted to have one for his daughters if he ever has any.  He makes a point of encouraging the young girls he works with to get involved, rock hard, and to not let the boys dominate the game of capture the flag.  He notes gender inequality in institutions and laments the fact that there are so few women politicians.  He gets it. 

But the thing is that he, like other men (I will refrain from adding straight/white/educated in there, though that may play a role as well), get to worry about sexism when it is convenient for them.  Like, if they are late to work and need to catch the bus, they just get to run for the bus.  Women "get" to think about sexism and harassment when it is LEAST convenient to them: do I wear this skirt if it is going to show too much leg if I have to run for the bus?  Will that cause a dude on the street to make a rude comment and ruin my morning?  Will anyone else notice when the comment gets made?  Or will I have to feel disempowered AND alone before I even get to work?

I was going to write out a list of tips for what men can do to stop harassment, but I really think it all falls in the same vein as the Feminist Law Professor's "Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!" with the added admonition of "notice what's going on and be a little more outraged, please."

Resources:

•  Holla Back DC
• Men Can Stop Rape
• DC Vagina Monologues